There are numerous websites and books available written by pundits who speak of the “art” of manliness. They advocate that manliness is personified by a perfectly coiffed gentleman, resplendent in British tweed, smoking a pipe, and sipping a snifter of brandy. In fact, many of these websites make a pretty good income selling fancy shaving equipment, beard cream, and lilac scented hair oil to thousands of beta males seeking guidance on how to “be a man” in a confusing world bereft of “real” male role models.
To be clear, dressing like the Monopoly guy and scooting around smelling like bathroom air freshener is not the path to manhood. As our forefathers have demonstrated, being a man is about following your own path, and having the courage to do what is right, even when others tell us to do something else. It’s about treating people fairly, accepting others as they are, and being accountable to yourself and those you care for. Manliness is not a difficult concept and doesn’t require special equipment or some secret handshake.
There is, however, a secret to being a proper troglodyte.
Being a trog is manliness taken to an ill-advised extreme. You don’t meet a trog as much as you endure them. The experience is life changing, and often involves paramedics and other emergency services. Trogliness is not an art. It can’t be found in some darkened salon with smoking jacket wearing posers sipping scotch with pinkies held high. Trogliness will hit you between the eyes like a sledgehammer then go to the refrigerator and eat the last serving of lasagna. It is loud, abrasive, and about as subtle as a wet fart in church. Trogs are best experienced wearing body armor and after being blessed by a priest.
Troglodytism is behind every bad male decision ever made involving alcohol, fire, gunpowder, motor vehicles, and power tools. Emergency rooms are replete with troglodyte DNA, as we are treated for various abrasions, contusions, puncture wounds, and burns, all well-earned on the Altar of Trog. Our motto is “Oh yeah? Hold my beer!”, and we proudly represent our tribe and let the Trog Flag fly every opportunity we get.
So please, join me in living La Vida Troglodyte. But make sure to wear a cup, because shit gets wild around here..
To be clear, dressing like the Monopoly guy and scooting around smelling like bathroom air freshener is not the path to manhood. As our forefathers have demonstrated, being a man is about following your own path, and having the courage to do what is right, even when others tell us to do something else. It’s about treating people fairly, accepting others as they are, and being accountable to yourself and those you care for. Manliness is not a difficult concept and doesn’t require special equipment or some secret handshake.
There is, however, a secret to being a proper troglodyte.
Being a trog is manliness taken to an ill-advised extreme. You don’t meet a trog as much as you endure them. The experience is life changing, and often involves paramedics and other emergency services. Trogliness is not an art. It can’t be found in some darkened salon with smoking jacket wearing posers sipping scotch with pinkies held high. Trogliness will hit you between the eyes like a sledgehammer then go to the refrigerator and eat the last serving of lasagna. It is loud, abrasive, and about as subtle as a wet fart in church. Trogs are best experienced wearing body armor and after being blessed by a priest.
Troglodytism is behind every bad male decision ever made involving alcohol, fire, gunpowder, motor vehicles, and power tools. Emergency rooms are replete with troglodyte DNA, as we are treated for various abrasions, contusions, puncture wounds, and burns, all well-earned on the Altar of Trog. Our motto is “Oh yeah? Hold my beer!”, and we proudly represent our tribe and let the Trog Flag fly every opportunity we get.
So please, join me in living La Vida Troglodyte. But make sure to wear a cup, because shit gets wild around here..
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